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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28772559">i just wanna go home.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NAMELESSLY/pseuds/NAMELESSLY'>NAMELESSLY</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>DESPONDENT. dsmp works. [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angry Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Betrayal, Depressed TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Exile, Exiled TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lonely TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), One Shot, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Short One Shot, Sibling Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Sleepy Bois Inc Angst, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, Suicidal Thoughts, Trauma, Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:15:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>948</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28772559</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NAMELESSLY/pseuds/NAMELESSLY</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>after tommy escapes his exile, he decides to go to technoblade in hopes of inhabitance. tommy agrees to fulfill tasks during his stay with his brother, however, while looking for dogs in the wild, he becomes lost. /dsmp</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clay | Dream &amp; Technoblade &amp; TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream &amp; TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Dream SMP Ensemble &amp; TommyInnit, Technoblade &amp; TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF) &amp; Other(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>DESPONDENT. dsmp works. [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2105724</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>263</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i just wanna go home.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>//tw mentions of suicide, gaslighting, emotional manipulation; check tags for more warnings</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b> <em>— “i just wanna go home… </em> </b> <b> <em>please,</em> </b> <b> <em> can i go home?”</em> </b></p><p> </p><p>"techno..?"</p><p> </p><p>tommy called out to his older brother.</p><p> </p><p>"b-big t, where are you?"</p><p> </p><p>he called again, receiving no reply. the only response that came was that of the cold wind that would blow through the tall spruce trees, making their evergreen leaves rustle about. it only took a moment for him to realize that he was left completely on his own, lost.</p><p> </p><p>tommy didn't like being alone.</p><p> </p><p>his exile taught him that being alone for a long time could insert bad things into your head. he didn't like the idea of walking through a dark snowy forest in pure silence, with no company.</p><p> </p><p>the voices in his head felt all too real. sometimes, he sees people. </p><p> </p><p><em> "history has its eyes on you." </em> he could hear his dead brother whisper unpleasant things into his ear. </p><p> </p><p><em> "escort tommy out of my country." </em> he could recall the dark glint tubbo had in his eyes as he declared his exile. </p><p> </p><p>tommy could relive every experience he had ever had in his life, and it'd all seem so vivid. although he didn't like to think of his past too much- everywhere he goes, everything he sees- somehow, his mind always manages to drift back to his life before exile. a war veteran and a vice-president he became, and along with it, some memories that would scar his life permanently. it wasn't even that long ago when he began to contemplate suicide when he realized he had been suffering too much from the loneliness and betrayal of his closest friends and allies. no one looked out for him in his desperate time of need- no one- no one, but-</p><p> </p><p>wait... dream?</p><p> </p><p>suddenly, it felt like multiple pairs of eyes were all focused on his trembling form- dream's unsettling beads for eyes and smile among them. for all tommy knew, dream could be searching for him right now. maybe he was looking for him right now! maybe he's worried about him! </p><p> </p><p>tommy whipped his head left and right, searching and peeking in between trees for that white porcelain mask desperately. "dream... d-dream, find me please." tommy pleaded, feeling tears beginning to form in the corner of his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>out of all the people who had the choice to stay and comfort tommy in exile, it was dream. dream was always there. always observing his every move. everyday, dream would come visit logstedshire (the name of his surely-temporary home) and would ask tommy to dump all his most valuable items into a hole for him to burn to a crisp with tnt. yeah, tommy was very annoyed by it at first, but as time passed by, it became some sort of... bonding ritual. <em> (was it a bonding ritual?) </em></p><p> </p><p>a howl could be heard in the distance, and tommy snapped out of his thoughts. "wait... what am i saying..?" tommy stopped calling dream's name. he grabbed his head in disarray, confused. "i... i escaped dream to- to get away from his creepy ass! ...but- but he said he was my friend..."</p><p> </p><p>dream said he was tommy's friend! they <em> are </em>friends! so he shouldn't worry too much about being found..!! sure, he's still probably angry at him for defying him, but that doesn't change the fact that dream was there for him all the way through his exile, right?</p><p> </p><p>...right?</p><p> </p><p>...or maybe, he wasn't his friend after all.</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>tommy covered his ears, trying to shake away the voices that violently told him yes or no, the angel and devil that kept telling him otherwise- what is true or false? he didn't know what to believe- he didn't know <em> who </em>to believe.</p><p> </p><p>tommy clawed at his scalp and tugged on his oily blond hair as he felt his head begin to ache more and more after each passing thought. tommy hated it when his head began to hurt like this. it always meant that something bad was going to happen- or is happening.</p><p> </p><p>was this how wilbur felt like? was this how he felt when he was on his road to insanity? is tommy on his road to insanity? is he going to make the same mistakes as his dead brother did? is he going to blow up l'manberg too?</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> was he going to be killed at the hands of his own father too? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>tears streamed down tommy's pale and dirt smudged face. his senses overloaded, thoughts and memories flew in and out of his brain like a hurricane, and all of a sudden, his surroundings were that only of a pure black abyss.</p><p> </p><p><em>he's all alone,</em> <em>alone, all alone, alone, </em><b><em>just so alone-</em></b></p><p> </p><p>"tommy?"</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>the boy jolted at the new voice. 'someone is here-!' he turned around and saw a figure approaching him. the scene was dark and his tears blurred his vision so he wasn't entirely sure who it was, but he didn't care- <em> he didn't care. </em> he was <b> <em>so</em> </b> touch-starved- he needed someone to hug, he needed someone to embrace him in his arms, he wanted to be invited into the same warmth that everyone else seemed to feel. he just felt <b> <em>so cold</em> </b> all the time- he could barely stand it anymore.</p><p> </p><p>"dream... <em> dream.. </em> " tommy uttered his name with a broken voice repeatedly, his sobs muffled by the warm fabric this person wore. "i remembered- i-i keep remembering them... all of it." he choked. <em> “why does life feel like such a nightmare?” </em></p><p> </p><p>the person who had openly brought tommy into his arms stood silently and said nothing. the distraught pattern of the boy's breaths and the words he muttered so brokenly had told him everything.</p><p> </p><p>technoblade was going to do something about this.</p><p> </p><p>about dream.</p>
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